realisation

it took me 17 years to work it out but i have finally realised that things will get better- life will slowly work itself out.
it may suck for a while but eventually you will be able to feel like you can breathe again



i have realised that i cant fix everyones elses problems for them..especially when i cant fix my own. but i can be there to listen and support them
i have realised that i need to focus and i need to sort out my problems and sometimes i need to say no
i have realised that talking to people and letting people in isn't a bad thing. that trusting someone is better than cutting yourself off, regardless of how it works out for you in the end



i have realised that i might just be happy at the moment
regardless of some things, I'm happy
and believing that life might just work itself out for once :)

xo

checkmate

you asked me what you should expect
bad or really bad.....


but how can i answer that? what am i meant to say?






did it hurt that you even thought it? yes
do i understand why you thought it, where the idea came from? absolutely
does that help me with dealing with it, with moving on? Definitely not
do i hate being compared to people? more than anything
do i feel terrible for even thinking this?



of course i do!



i have no right to be annoyed, to be angry....
but i cant help it!














i cant help feeling hurt, confused and angry
at you, at me, at him, at the situation.












now were going to talk and i don't know what to say.
i want to tell you that you hurt me, but i cant....i cant do that to you
i want to tell you that you didn't hurt me...but i cant do that either
i cant do that to myself and i definitely cant do that to you!


so where do we go from here?
what do we do?


because this time we cant just ignore it......
this time we need to talk.



what I'm going to say is still the unanswered question....