Until now I didn’t understand why people don’t just post their blogs
Now I do
I’ve spent the last moments writing a blog
As I was about to post it I stopped,
I remembered that other people read this besides you three
That anyone can read it
That I’m not meant to show emotion
That this may hurt you
That even though it’s the truth, it’s how I feel, that’s not important
That if I post it, things will only get more fucked up
So I didn’t, once again I shoved everything back down and I pressed save instead of post
I might be doing the right thing for you, for everyone else
But what about me?
Faz ini tvar qe i fuhlen gusto mierda am de tu?
lam jou par zorg?
hjartarskinn erez agradar il
:(
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
should i....
I'm not sure what to do
would it be taking the easy way out to leave
to walk away and let them sort themselves out
not much of question
of course it would be
i can't just walk away
but what if they're my friends too
what if being with them would make all this soo much easier
what if i can't deal with this
what if it just gets too much
your allowed to say whats wrong with me
but I'm not allowed to say anything back
why is it only me who's changed
have you looked in the mirror recently
why is it that you can complain about me, you can talk about me behind my back and that's not bad yet if we were to do it then it would be bitching
i don't like double standards
but i don't like fights
maybe i should just walk away
be a coward
take the easy way out
but would that solve the problems
or just create more
i used to blame others for any problems our group was having but apparently its mine
apparently I've changed
so do you want me to walk away
let you go back to how it was before
would that be easier
is that what you want
xo
would it be taking the easy way out to leave
to walk away and let them sort themselves out
not much of question
of course it would be
i can't just walk away
but what if they're my friends too
what if being with them would make all this soo much easier
what if i can't deal with this
what if it just gets too much
your allowed to say whats wrong with me
but I'm not allowed to say anything back
why is it only me who's changed
have you looked in the mirror recently
why is it that you can complain about me, you can talk about me behind my back and that's not bad yet if we were to do it then it would be bitching
i don't like double standards
but i don't like fights
maybe i should just walk away
be a coward
take the easy way out
but would that solve the problems
or just create more
i used to blame others for any problems our group was having but apparently its mine
apparently I've changed
so do you want me to walk away
let you go back to how it was before
would that be easier
is that what you want
xo
Friday, August 28, 2009
insecurities
but what am i meant to do?
what do you want? what do you expect?
who am i meant to be?
who is that you want? who is it that you need?
you need to tell me because I'm confused. i don't understand
xo
what do you want? what do you expect?
who am i meant to be?
who is that you want? who is it that you need?
you need to tell me because I'm confused. i don't understand
xo
old friend
i was talking about you at school today;
how i haven't spoken to you in a while,
its not like i missed you, but just thinking about it i realised how much i enjoyed your company
i saw you were on msn tonight i decided to talk to you
i thought it would be weird
i mean i haven't spoken to you in months but it wasn't
then again it never was for us
we could speak for hours and never get bored
we met at a party and spent the whole time together
falling up/down stairs, me being mean, you being a nerd, poetry sucking, evil triplets, my friend
i spoke to you tonight for hours
well typed to you really, we were on computers
it was nice, entertaining
S seemed excited about :p
we mucked around, you teased me as usual, i laughed at your work stories, we made up a story about what id been doing since my life is apparently boring, then wrote a song about how great i am
i am currently being teased about being heritage
XD
i think i should go on msn more often
xo
how i haven't spoken to you in a while,
its not like i missed you, but just thinking about it i realised how much i enjoyed your company
i saw you were on msn tonight i decided to talk to you
i thought it would be weird
i mean i haven't spoken to you in months but it wasn't
then again it never was for us
we could speak for hours and never get bored
we met at a party and spent the whole time together
falling up/down stairs, me being mean, you being a nerd, poetry sucking, evil triplets, my friend
i spoke to you tonight for hours
well typed to you really, we were on computers
it was nice, entertaining
S seemed excited about :p
we mucked around, you teased me as usual, i laughed at your work stories, we made up a story about what id been doing since my life is apparently boring, then wrote a song about how great i am
i am currently being teased about being heritage
XD
i think i should go on msn more often
xo
FUCK
Broncos 16 Cowboys 10
Gabe's gonna be hell
well their out of the finals now
i think i might cry
:(
damn
xo
Gabe's gonna be hell
well their out of the finals now
i think i might cry
:(
damn
xo
just now
just went on msn for the first time in ages,
weeks, months, years even
well maybe not that long XD
it was funny
i got greeted the same way by all people
'WOW ERIN'
lol :p
i realised then how slowly i type
twas interesting
should go on more
xo
weeks, months, years even
well maybe not that long XD
it was funny
i got greeted the same way by all people
'WOW ERIN'
lol :p
i realised then how slowly i type
twas interesting
should go on more
xo
Cowboys vs Broncos
I'm watching the football at the moment
lying on my lounge room floor with my brothers laptop
the video referee has just awarded the broncos a try which is absolute crap
the pass was forward, it wasn't grounded properly
referees should be slapped
anyway the broncos are playing the cowboys
channel nine currently
it should be a good game
well it is a good game
except the referees are dickheads
but everyone knows that
the score is currently 6-4 to the cowboys
difference being Thurston is a better kicker then Parker
cowboys try was incredible
one of the best trys I've seen
Tonga scored it
charge down by the cowboys, picked up by hunt, passed to lockyer, intercepted by Tonga
then Tonga scored
brilliant
Matt Scott is an idiot
all he had to do is catch the ball
you would think that if you were being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play football you could catch a ball
i guess not
their attacking now
Thurston has the ball
ahhh Thurston scores, but it was a knock on
damn
hmmm i probably shouldn't commentate this whole game aye
though I'm sure you'd love to read it K :p lol
ill just go back to watching it
ohh cowboys get the ball back, thank you thaiday for dropping it
so at the 27 minute mark the score 6-4 to the cowboys
GO COWBOYS!!!!!!!
xo
lying on my lounge room floor with my brothers laptop
the video referee has just awarded the broncos a try which is absolute crap
the pass was forward, it wasn't grounded properly
referees should be slapped
anyway the broncos are playing the cowboys
channel nine currently
it should be a good game
well it is a good game
except the referees are dickheads
but everyone knows that
the score is currently 6-4 to the cowboys
difference being Thurston is a better kicker then Parker
cowboys try was incredible
one of the best trys I've seen
Tonga scored it
charge down by the cowboys, picked up by hunt, passed to lockyer, intercepted by Tonga
then Tonga scored
brilliant
Matt Scott is an idiot
all he had to do is catch the ball
you would think that if you were being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play football you could catch a ball
i guess not
their attacking now
Thurston has the ball
ahhh Thurston scores, but it was a knock on
damn
hmmm i probably shouldn't commentate this whole game aye
though I'm sure you'd love to read it K :p lol
ill just go back to watching it
ohh cowboys get the ball back, thank you thaiday for dropping it
so at the 27 minute mark the score 6-4 to the cowboys
GO COWBOYS!!!!!!!
xo
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
i don't think you realise
thank you
for being there for me
for reminding me constantly
for putting up with me even when I'm being a bitch
i don't think you realise how much it means to me when you say that your there for me
I'm almost certain ill never take up your offer to talk about whats bothering me but it means more then you can imagine to me to know that if i was willing you would listen
I'm most probably not going to talk to you, because that's just who i am
but thank you for being there
thank you for caring
and thank you for being such a great friend
one day i might just take you up on that offer
i love you and I'm here if you ever need anything
xo
for being there for me
for reminding me constantly
for putting up with me even when I'm being a bitch
i don't think you realise how much it means to me when you say that your there for me
I'm almost certain ill never take up your offer to talk about whats bothering me but it means more then you can imagine to me to know that if i was willing you would listen
I'm most probably not going to talk to you, because that's just who i am
but thank you for being there
thank you for caring
and thank you for being such a great friend
one day i might just take you up on that offer
i love you and I'm here if you ever need anything
xo
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
its interesting
i just realised how much easier it is to blog when I'm upset or angry
when life sucks i have something to write about
i can complain and rant without caring what others think because it isn't truly what I'm feeling
its harder to blog when I'm happy
when everythings going right i have trouble blogging I've noticed
its not that its not important, on the contrary there probably more important
its just that therefore my feelings about those events are more important to me and mean more
i cant express them as easily
it would mean showing myself in a way that I'm not used to
expressing any emotion is different but the deepest are most protected
i think that's why i haven't blogged much recently
life has been going well
I've been happier recently then i usually am
there has still been the usual crap moments
- maths assignment
- my boss
- my knee
but overall everything gone well
- semi was amazing
- the post was....entertaining
- work was fun
- netball training was brilliant
- Tuesday afternoon
my friends are incredible
i think they're what are different
work has always been fun
netball trainings usually good
but in general I've felt better recently
everythings falling into place recently
schoolies
America though you aren't going :(
all of which ill do which my friends
admittedly I've been friends with them for a while but until now theres been.......issues
recently it seems to be settling down
I've apparently 'changed sides' but from where i am that's not a bad thing
our group seems to be working again
all the clicks have settled down and we seem to be comfortable
I'm happy with that
it was terrible to see people upset because of certain people or situations
but i think most have been resolved now or at least each has moved on
I'm happy with that
my friends mean the world to me
i cant imagine my life without any of them
but i think I'm most comfortable now
the clicks we've found
B: we have our catch ups at random moments yet when everything falls apart its her that id turn to
G: we have such an easy relationship, yet shes one of my closest friends
N: i see her once or twice a week but there are moments when she cracks me up more then anyone else
L: work just wouldn't be the same without her. hot guys, noses, unknown fathers, gays guys :p
thank you
for making life entertaining
for making me happy
xo
when life sucks i have something to write about
i can complain and rant without caring what others think because it isn't truly what I'm feeling
its harder to blog when I'm happy
when everythings going right i have trouble blogging I've noticed
its not that its not important, on the contrary there probably more important
its just that therefore my feelings about those events are more important to me and mean more
i cant express them as easily
it would mean showing myself in a way that I'm not used to
expressing any emotion is different but the deepest are most protected
i think that's why i haven't blogged much recently
life has been going well
I've been happier recently then i usually am
there has still been the usual crap moments
- maths assignment
- my boss
- my knee
but overall everything gone well
- semi was amazing
- the post was....entertaining
- work was fun
- netball training was brilliant
- Tuesday afternoon
my friends are incredible
i think they're what are different
work has always been fun
netball trainings usually good
but in general I've felt better recently
everythings falling into place recently
schoolies
America though you aren't going :(
all of which ill do which my friends
admittedly I've been friends with them for a while but until now theres been.......issues
recently it seems to be settling down
I've apparently 'changed sides' but from where i am that's not a bad thing
our group seems to be working again
all the clicks have settled down and we seem to be comfortable
I'm happy with that
it was terrible to see people upset because of certain people or situations
but i think most have been resolved now or at least each has moved on
I'm happy with that
my friends mean the world to me
i cant imagine my life without any of them
but i think I'm most comfortable now
the clicks we've found
B: we have our catch ups at random moments yet when everything falls apart its her that id turn to
G: we have such an easy relationship, yet shes one of my closest friends
N: i see her once or twice a week but there are moments when she cracks me up more then anyone else
L: work just wouldn't be the same without her. hot guys, noses, unknown fathers, gays guys :p
thank you
for making life entertaining
for making me happy
xo
IT HELD
just completed netball training for the first time in 4 or so weeks
i haven't run in weeks except for playing netball
it was very exciting being able to run without having shots of pain going through my knee
sprinting was brilliant
admittedly it was only the length of the netball court but still
i didn't realise how good it felt to be able to run
i missed it
ALOT
now hopefully it'll hold for a while
*touch wood*
but I'm not too positive
I'm sure ill wake up and it'll be throbbing
still though for tonight it was brilliant
no pain what so ever
I've missed that
I'm in a very good mood now
i love how running does that to me
i may be better at swimming but running clears my head and makes me feel better
I've missed that these last few weeks
outcome of tonight: I'M HAPPY :)
xo
i haven't run in weeks except for playing netball
it was very exciting being able to run without having shots of pain going through my knee
sprinting was brilliant
admittedly it was only the length of the netball court but still
i didn't realise how good it felt to be able to run
i missed it
ALOT
now hopefully it'll hold for a while
*touch wood*
but I'm not too positive
I'm sure ill wake up and it'll be throbbing
still though for tonight it was brilliant
no pain what so ever
I've missed that
I'm in a very good mood now
i love how running does that to me
i may be better at swimming but running clears my head and makes me feel better
I've missed that these last few weeks
outcome of tonight: I'M HAPPY :)
xo
Sunday, August 9, 2009
i miss you
it was nice last night
we haven't spent time together for a while
I've missed you
i see you almost everyday
yet its not the same
it used to be easy now everything just seems to be a bit messed up
but
it felt different last night
like how it used to be
maybe its because you were less stressed then usual
you seemed more carefree and happy
or maybe their right and i have changed and for once i was back to my normal self just for that moment
we seemed to fit again last night
be able to muck around, enjoy ourselves
everything that's been bothering us lately seemed to disappear for a few short hours
i miss that
i miss being able to wander off and forget about everything
i miss not needing to forget anything
i miss seeing you happy and unstressed
i miss us
i miss you
everything is different now
its not a bad thing as such, just.....different
we've grown apart
it wasn't until recently that i realised how much
it wasn't until recently that i realised how much i missed it
how much i rely on you
how much i need you
its the old cliche of 'i need you to need me'
i need you there
i need you next to me
to hold my hand, to laugh at me, to tell me to swallow and breathe
i hadn't notice what a permanent fixture you'd become in my life
i cant imagine my life without you nor do i want to
yet recently I've felt like i might have to
i know your not leaving and i know you still love me
but its different now
just another thing that's different
you don't need me as much anymore
i may be your best but I'm not necessarily your closest
i miss that and i want it back
but that's not my choice to make is it?
i cant make you need me can i?
sometimes i wish i could
i know its selfish and i know its childish but i cant help it
humans are meant to be selfish creatures right?
well I'm proving it
i want us back to the way we used to be
we were last night for that brief amount of time
mucking around, laughing, falling on each other
it was just like its always been for us
easy
i know i cant change things and i know that this might be my fault
how can i be annoyed at you for getting closer to other people when I'm doing the exact same thing
i just wish it didn't come between us so much
its not on purpose and its not your fault or theirs
if anything its mine
i should have talked to you first
or payed more attention
i should be there for you more
and I'm sorry for that
I'm sorry for what your going through at the moment
and I'm sorry I'm contributing to it
I'm sorry if you feel like you in the middle or you have to take sides
i know its not easy and I'm part of it
I'm sorry i haven't been there for you like i promised myself i would be
but last night was good
last night was us
last night was before all this crap
last night was like year eight or nine again
i want us to go back to that
i want to be able to promise to be there for you and actually do it
i want to be who i was while still being who i am
and i want to be your best friend again
I'm sorry if their right
I'm sorry if I've changed
and I'm sorry if i hurt you
your my sister in everything but blood C i love you
and i miss you
xo
we haven't spent time together for a while
I've missed you
i see you almost everyday
yet its not the same
it used to be easy now everything just seems to be a bit messed up
but
it felt different last night
like how it used to be
maybe its because you were less stressed then usual
you seemed more carefree and happy
or maybe their right and i have changed and for once i was back to my normal self just for that moment
we seemed to fit again last night
be able to muck around, enjoy ourselves
everything that's been bothering us lately seemed to disappear for a few short hours
i miss that
i miss being able to wander off and forget about everything
i miss not needing to forget anything
i miss seeing you happy and unstressed
i miss us
i miss you
everything is different now
its not a bad thing as such, just.....different
we've grown apart
it wasn't until recently that i realised how much
it wasn't until recently that i realised how much i missed it
how much i rely on you
how much i need you
its the old cliche of 'i need you to need me'
i need you there
i need you next to me
to hold my hand, to laugh at me, to tell me to swallow and breathe
i hadn't notice what a permanent fixture you'd become in my life
i cant imagine my life without you nor do i want to
yet recently I've felt like i might have to
i know your not leaving and i know you still love me
but its different now
just another thing that's different
you don't need me as much anymore
i may be your best but I'm not necessarily your closest
i miss that and i want it back
but that's not my choice to make is it?
i cant make you need me can i?
sometimes i wish i could
i know its selfish and i know its childish but i cant help it
humans are meant to be selfish creatures right?
well I'm proving it
i want us back to the way we used to be
we were last night for that brief amount of time
mucking around, laughing, falling on each other
it was just like its always been for us
easy
i know i cant change things and i know that this might be my fault
how can i be annoyed at you for getting closer to other people when I'm doing the exact same thing
i just wish it didn't come between us so much
its not on purpose and its not your fault or theirs
if anything its mine
i should have talked to you first
or payed more attention
i should be there for you more
and I'm sorry for that
I'm sorry for what your going through at the moment
and I'm sorry I'm contributing to it
I'm sorry if you feel like you in the middle or you have to take sides
i know its not easy and I'm part of it
I'm sorry i haven't been there for you like i promised myself i would be
but last night was good
last night was us
last night was before all this crap
last night was like year eight or nine again
i want us to go back to that
i want to be able to promise to be there for you and actually do it
i want to be who i was while still being who i am
and i want to be your best friend again
I'm sorry if their right
I'm sorry if I've changed
and I'm sorry if i hurt you
your my sister in everything but blood C i love you
and i miss you
xo
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
a small piece of plastic
i never realised that a straw could be quite so amusing
1- the walk from HJ's to K's house
i don't think T and i have had as much fun since
i seem to manage to be doing something stupid each time i walk to or from K's house
and have fallen over many times XD
2- when R randomly had one in his bag on Saturday night
though it wasn't actually a HJ's straw, Maccas actually, but it doesn't make too much difference
still made me and T laugh
3- T thought of bringing one to school today
her blowing in my ear wasn't the funnest experiences but it did bring back memories
plus the look on her face when C soaked her with water as a result was more than worth it XD
T even managed for it to be a HJ's straw :p
4- at work tonight L questioning whether she could melt the straw by putting it under hot tap water
I'm not sure what was funnier the fact that she was thinking about it to start off with or that she actually tried
we spent 10 minutes standing next to the sink with her holding the straw in the water
a waste of time and water really but it kept us entertained :)
you can tell how much work i do :p
funny i never would have thought a cheap piece of plastic could be so entertaining
then again if this is what I'm blogging about I'm not surprised that a straw would entertain me :p
i think I'm too easily entertained
actually i change that statement, i KNOW I'm too easily entertained
yet it adds to the fun in life so I'm not complaining, ill just wait for the next straw incident XD
xo
1- the walk from HJ's to K's house
i don't think T and i have had as much fun since
i seem to manage to be doing something stupid each time i walk to or from K's house
and have fallen over many times XD
2- when R randomly had one in his bag on Saturday night
though it wasn't actually a HJ's straw, Maccas actually, but it doesn't make too much difference
still made me and T laugh
3- T thought of bringing one to school today
her blowing in my ear wasn't the funnest experiences but it did bring back memories
plus the look on her face when C soaked her with water as a result was more than worth it XD
T even managed for it to be a HJ's straw :p
4- at work tonight L questioning whether she could melt the straw by putting it under hot tap water
I'm not sure what was funnier the fact that she was thinking about it to start off with or that she actually tried
we spent 10 minutes standing next to the sink with her holding the straw in the water
a waste of time and water really but it kept us entertained :)
you can tell how much work i do :p
funny i never would have thought a cheap piece of plastic could be so entertaining
then again if this is what I'm blogging about I'm not surprised that a straw would entertain me :p
i think I'm too easily entertained
actually i change that statement, i KNOW I'm too easily entertained
yet it adds to the fun in life so I'm not complaining, ill just wait for the next straw incident XD
xo
Sunday, August 2, 2009
34 - 18
even though T blogged about it first i decided i still should
though I'm surprised that i didn't do it yesterday
Friday night
cowboys play titans
at the titans home ground
i was at an 18th which turned out to be boring so i watched the game
then again faced with the choice i would have chosen to watch it anyway
i think id chose it over almost anything
so run down of the game
BRILLIANT
obviously the cowboys won
34-18 to be exact
made out to be the game between the two greatest half backs in the game
it wasn't really much of a competition
thurston made prince look like he was playing toyota cup
the queensland derby was won by the north and the titans home game winning streak was broken by the worlds greatest player (thurston) and his side kick (bowen)
it was a weekend of upsets though
cowboys beat titans 34 - 18
broncos were embarrassed by canberra 0 - 56
st george beat melbourne 26 - 12
penrith and warriors drew 32 - 32
roosters smashed newcastle 30 - 18
the only one anyone would have picked was
bulldogs vs souths 26 - 18
the overall message from the weekend
the cowboys won
and
thurstons brilliant
:p
xo
though I'm surprised that i didn't do it yesterday
Friday night
cowboys play titans
at the titans home ground
i was at an 18th which turned out to be boring so i watched the game
then again faced with the choice i would have chosen to watch it anyway
i think id chose it over almost anything
so run down of the game
BRILLIANT
obviously the cowboys won
34-18 to be exact
made out to be the game between the two greatest half backs in the game
it wasn't really much of a competition
thurston made prince look like he was playing toyota cup
the queensland derby was won by the north and the titans home game winning streak was broken by the worlds greatest player (thurston) and his side kick (bowen)
it was a weekend of upsets though
cowboys beat titans 34 - 18
broncos were embarrassed by canberra 0 - 56
st george beat melbourne 26 - 12
penrith and warriors drew 32 - 32
roosters smashed newcastle 30 - 18
the only one anyone would have picked was
bulldogs vs souths 26 - 18
the overall message from the weekend
the cowboys won
and
thurstons brilliant
:p
xo
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