i worry sometimes that i depend on you too much
that i need you too much
so i pull away
i take a step back and i try to depend on others
to depend on myself
I'm scared.....
I'm scared that when we break up
ill collapse
that without you to depend on,
ill fall apart
i love you,
sometimes it seems like too much
more than i should
it scares me
xo
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You know, I was going to write a blog relating to you.
ReplyDeleteBut you just wrote everything I was going to say.
Watch out, I'mma go all out mushiloveyness here.
I thought you didn't need me, that you really did depend on yourself and others... I guess it's nice to be needed.
I know you're scared (well I know now) and probably what makes it scarier is that I can't promise anything, I can't promise that I'm going to be there still after we break up.
But you know, you lived without me before. You were independent, you still are.
You still have to look after me and yourself, because I really don't help you much, I just ask the questions. XD
I don't want you to be scared, but I'm just as scared as you. I don't want to love someone that much that I can't see myself without them. It's been five months and a bit now, but I think we're still getting used to this, still deciding if it's what we want.
And it's harder to think that you don't want to depend on me when I love the feeling that I am keeping you up.
Isn't that what love is?
Having someone be so much a part of you that you're a bit messed up without them?
But I'm the same as you. I'm scared to let you be that much of me.
Neither of us are stupid and cliche, and I think that's why we have this problem. Stupid and cliche people would say 'Oh you don't trust each other enough to let your hearts go' but we both know that your heart is an organ which pumps blood around your body, nothing more. But now that we're having stupid and cliche thoughts it's scary, it's not right. We don't want to be stupid cliche people with a stupid cliche relationship which leaves us 'broken hearted' at the end because that's just fucking stupid.
So I don't want to get all stupid and cliche and tell you to trust me and give me your heart and all that shit. It was never our style, anyway. I just want to say... You have me, right now, to help you out and stop you feeling messed up. And I have you.
But really, when we don't have each other, we're both strong enough to go our own ways. It might not feel like it now babe, but I know you are. You're looking after two people right now remember, yourself and me. When I'm gone, you can focus all your energy back on yourself. You have the strength to keep yourself up, I guess I just make it more fun. :P
And on another note, we have amazing friends, pumpkin. I think they will hold us up when we break up. Whether they want to or not... they're gonna have to deal with it. Eventually we'll have to make all those 'sorry this was so inconvenient for you' speeches, but we'll get to that when it comes.
I don't know if any of that helped in anyway, I just typed what I thought, as usual. I love you, but there will come a time when I won't. And you won't love me. Things will seem shit then I guess, but they get better. I love us more than anything right now, but life goes on without us. And you'll be just as strong and beautiful and sacastic as always. :P
Sorry for rambling.