one moment

it hurt at the time
so much
it was confusing
i don't usually feel like that
but this hurt
i know it wasn't intentional
your reaction afterwards proved that
but in that moment it hurt
alot
i don't know how to feel
this was new
it wasn't like that before
i didn't react like that before
this time i felt curling up in a ball and crying
I'm not usually like that
it doesn't usually affect me
it shouldn't affect me
but this time it did
it was new
i didn't like it
i don't want to be like that
but i couldn't help it
in that one moment i felt like crying
i realised quickly i was over reacting
and I'm fine
just confused by how i felt in that one moment

i miss you

i promised myself i wouldn't let it happen
i knew things would change, they inevitably had to
but i promised myself i wouldn't let it affect our friendship
but it has
all of ours, we were so close just a couple of months ago
i knew things would change i just wish they didn't have to
i miss you
all of you
how easily we got along, how good we all were together
how there was no pressure when we spend time together
i wrote a couple of months ago that it was you three who understood me, that i felt more comfortable around you three than anyone else
i miss that feeling
i know its still there and i know its true, i just haven't felt it for a while
because i pushed you all away
and for that I'm sorry
i never meant it to happen, but i didn't do anything to stop it either
for the past few weeks it was easier to ignore the issue then think about it, so that's what i did
it was selfish and childish and I'm sorry that i acted that way
i miss you all
and i wish i could change parts of the last few months
i wish we could go back to how we felt a couple of months ago
but we cant
i just hope you accept my apology and we can move on
i love you three and i miss you all heaps

xo

holidays

tired, sore and sunburned :(
but the last two days were amazing :)

xo