Round 21

COWBOYS vs titans

1- m. bowen
2- m. bani
3- t. williams
4- w. tonga
5- j. williams
6- g. rovelli
7- j. thurston
8- s. tronc
9- a. watts
10- m. scott
11- c. webb
12- s. bolton
13- s. southern
14- t. burns
15- a. kaufusi
16- s. rapira
17- j. tamou
18- d. weston
19- m. manuokafoa

date: 31 july 2009
venue: skilled park
time: 7.35pm
coverage: LIVE ON NINE

pity i wont be home to watch it



still im sure i can find a tv there :p

GO COWBOYS

xo

moods

i went to school today in a pretty average mood
it was Monday so i wasn't particularly happy to be there
i was tired so that didn't add to it
i was slightly cold since i have lost my jumper
but nothing particularly bad had happened
overall i was in a good mood

for a Monday anyway :p

by the time i got home i was in a bad mood
well not bad as such, just....sad maybe, slightly depressed

nothing bad or upsetting happened to me today at school yet my mood had changed dramatically when i got home to when i had left that morning
it funny how the emotions of people around you affect you

both my best friend and girl friend were quiet today
C was upset
i know that for sure
what about is another question entirely
I'm not sure if shes wants to talk or if its something I've done but shes upset and that made me upset

then my girlfriend
K was quiet also, or in T's words broody
there in body but not in mind i think she said
I'm not sure whats worrying her either
I've got ideas but I'm not certain
watching her today she looked soo sad
I'm not sure what I'm meant to do

I've never noticed before how much these two affect me
how much their moods affect mine
i just wish i could help them

I'm worried that C wont talk to me about it
or that its about me
i know that things have changed recently, that apparently I've changed but your still my best friend and i love you
and i would do anything for you, all you have to do is ask
I'm worried about you and i just want you to be happy

K is different
K doesn't need me
so I'm not quite sure what to do
i know somethings bothering you
and i know its bothering you a lot because of the look on your face and how quiet you are
yet I'm not sure if you'll tell me
if I'm the one you'll talk to
you have soo many other people to talk to, that you already talk to that you don't particularly need me for it
but I'm still worried about you
so I'm here if you need me
i love you K


theres a quote
'i live for the ones i love, my friends and family'
I'm not sure who said, where its from, or even where i found it
all i know is that i read it somewhere and I've remembered it ever since

my friends are my family and i would do anything for my family
i love you

and remember I'm here if you need anything

xo

how disappointing

28-20

:(

xo

Cowboys vs Panthers

Saturday 25th July 2009
7.30pm

COWBOYS

1 Matthew Bowen
2 Michael Bani
3 Ty Williams
4 Willie Tonga
5 John Williams
6 Grant Rovelli
7 Johnathan Thurston [c]
8 Shane Tronc
9 Travis Burns
10 Matthew Scott
11 Carl Webb
12 Scott Bolton
13 Steve Southern

Subs:
14 Steve Rapira
15 Antonio Kaufusi
16 James Tamou
17 Manase Manuokafoa
18 Dayne Weston

GO COWBOYS!!!

xo

Ward 9A North

i hate hospitals

maybe its because of the time i spent there when i was younger?
or because you never go there unless somethings wrong?
or because you know that some of the people you see there wont make it?

when i was little i had ear problems
i had something growing in my ears that shouldn't be there

the doctor was quite surprised because its rare
so he decided that it wouldn't go away and that it would have to be removed
that required an operation and while i wasn't a bad kid the one thing i hated more than anything else was needles
so needless to say mum and dad were quite worried when they heard this because it would require quite a few needles
i was 6 years old at this stage
so i went to the hospital, layed in the bed, got the drip inserted into my hand after mum bribed me and dad restrained me then got wheeled off into this massive white room surrounded by masked faces of people i didn't know
for a 6 year old that was scary enough let alone the fact that i then needed another needle for the anesthetic
thankfully the doctor was nice and told me a story while they were putting the needle in. i still remember it
it involved a park and white horses
i also remember that the needle still hurt

a few weeks later i went back to the specialist and he realised that they hadn't removed it all so i had to go through the whole process again

at seven years old i had 2 operations, gone to movie world and kicked dad a couple of million times when he restrained me

year three was a bad year
the specialist realised that not only did i have this growth in my left ear but also my right
this growth was incredibly rare...to have it in one ear was unusual but to have it in both was unheard of
my specialist liked me then
not only was i young but i was different
my condition was interesting, not something he saw everyday

so i went through 3 more operations until they deemed my ears to be acceptable
i was left with something like 1/2 my hearing in my left ear and 1/4 of it in my right, a scar behind my right ear and one on my right hand where multiple needles were inserted.by the last operation and the needles to come i hardly reacted to them, i still flinch and i still hate them but no longer do i need to be restrained or bribed. I've gone though it soo much that I've gotten used to it

i haven't broken a bone or been badly injured yet i have had 5 operations...the best part is though that the doctors expect me to need more in the future

this period in my life has left me with a hatred of hospitals
just visiting someone in one is terrible. i feel uncomfortable and slightly sick remembering all the times i was in there

i had to go this afternoon to visit someone

as i walked in i felt small again
such a massive building full of people who were sick or injured
some of whom wont leave
it brought back memories and i hated it
as i walked along i got more and more uncomfortable
as we past the beds and doorways i began to wish that i had never come
i knew that she would appreciate it but it really was hard

the worst part was seeing her though
lying in the bed with tubes attached she looked soo fragile and old
if i was worried before i was even more so now

it was hard sitting there and making conversation without reliving my memories
as we talked about the food i remembered when D and L were there and D ate all 3 of the jellies
when ever she adjusted the tube at her nose i remembered the pain of getting the drip put in my hand
as bed were wheeled around i remembered being on them being wheeled into surgery

i know she appreciated the visit
and I'm happy i made the effort
yet i wish i didn't have to
the memories, the smell, the feel
its all the same and its still as painful

i hope she gets better soon
I'm worried and i really don't want to have to go back
i know that sounds bad but i cant handle it

as i walked out the door of the hospital it was one of the best feelings I've felt
i hate that place, whether I'm a patient, visiting or just looking at a picture
i hate it

i never want to go back

please get better soon
I'm worried about you

xo

dont ask.....trust me

i should be doing my homework....
i've got enough since i keep putting it off....
but instead i chose to watch tv....
what came from it?....

there once was a man from nantucket
who decided to live in a bucket
he got too fat,
so had to move out
and that's the story of the man from nantucket

:p

dad and i really should watch tv together more often XD

xo

sucks aye

west tigers - cowboys
34 - 14

:(

xo

cowboys vs west tigers

cowboys

1- m. bowen
2- m. bani
3- t. williams
4- w. tonga
5- j. williams
6- g. rovelli
7- j. thurston
8- s. tronc
9- a. watts
10- m. scott
11- c. webb
12- s. bolton
13- s. southern
14- m. manuokafoa
15- a. kaufusi
16- t. burns
17- s. rapira
18- j. tamou

hopefully thurston will have a better game then wednesday night, but is anyone really doubting it?
he is brilliant after all :p

GO COWBOYS!!

xo

am i obsessed?

so i went to see harry potter today and decided i should blog about it

i, like soo many others love the harry potter series
i probably am obsessed, but really whats wrong with that?
its funny my mum used to complain about me reading them too much
while other parents were trying to make their child read, sometimes even resorting to bribes, mine were hiding the books or threatening to ground me if i didn't put them down

i, like about half the population love this series
I'm not quite sure what it is about this series which makes it different from other fantasy novels, but it just is
maybe its the fact that although magic doesn't exist we can all relate to certain characters
maybe its because the lives shes created are soo fascinating yet deal with issues we also do
maybe its because we've all managed to fall in love with one character or another

i, like soo many others waited and counted the days until the next book came out, then spend the next few days being incredibly anti-social just to finish it in the shortest space of time possible
these books have been on my bookshelf for years
i have read them 10 or more times each
yet they never get boring or lose their 'magic'
i have my favourite books
prisoner of azkaban
half-blood prince
deathly hallows
order of the phoenix
goblet of fire
chamber of secrets
philosophers stone
yet i love them all

i, like soo many others have waited for the next movie to be announced, for the trailer to come out and then for it to finally be released
each time they were i would go out and see them as quickly as possible
i loved them
as much as i would critique them and complain that they missed parts or didn't included certain characters enough
i loved them

i, like soo many others waited for this movie to be released and went and saw it at first opportunity.
i saw it this morning and my first reaction...
it was good but it wasn't great
i enjoyed it and i thought it was funny but it wasn't special...it wasn't the book
it was the books storyline but it wasn't it

where was the conversation between the ministers?
where were bill and fleur?
where were the rest of the memories?
why didn't harry find out that it was snape who told voldermort about the prophecy?

as much as i loved it, it annoyed me. it missed and changed soo much

but....
maybe they shouldn't have burnt down peoples houses, cut out important relationships or changed the way events occurred.....
or maybe i should stop critiquing it to the point when i no longer watch the movie but think about the book
yes they changed it but did i really expect them to keep it the same?
no i didn't, i just wish they could have

overall it was a good movie
it was funnier then i expected
the acting was surprisingly good
bellatrix was mad as usual
remus was in it
relationships finally began to occur

but best of all...

Draco was in it
looking hot as usual :p

so am i obsessed?

yes, probably

is that a bad thing?

no, probably not

am i in love with Malfoy?

yes, most definitely :p

xo

when it all falls apart

there are moments when you realise places, people or things that you believed would live forever aren't quite as invincible as first glance
all your beliefs can be destroyed by two simple sentences....

she had a fall
she might not even make it through the operation

in those two sentences you have made me question everything i believed.
they have been there my whole life. how can i now start to believe that one day they wont be there?
i knew that this would come one day but why now?

then, when i ask whats going on you tell me not to worry
but is that true?

or is it just you treating me like a little kid again

but it doesn't matter what you say. it doesn't matter what you tell me
I'm worried

I'm worried because their old
I'm worried because we were expecting this
I'm worried because we've been expecting this for ages yet i never believed the time would actually come
I'm worried because their family
I'm worried because they've always been there
I'm worried because they feature in so many family stories yet they could soon be gone
I'm worried because at times i forget and i feel guilty
I'm worried that I'm not worried enough
I'm worried because i cant imagine my life without them
I'm worried because i don't want to have to try
I'm worried because i might soon have to
I'm worried because no matter what has happened you two have been constant
I'm worried because now your not
I'm worried because i might need to say goodbye soon
I'm worried because I'm really not ready
I'm worried because i don't know how
I'm worried because i know that i cant do anything to stop this
I'm worried because no matter what you say i know its coming and i don't want it to
I'm worried because i know your worried

I'm scared and there's nothing i can do

just don't leave me yet


please

xo

origin

nsw 28 - qld 16

well that sucks doesnt it

xo

battle of the states

the series has been won but 3-nil still sounds good :p

Queensland

1. Billy Slater
2. Darius Boyd
3. Greg Inglis
4. Justin Hodges
5. Willie Tonga
6. Darren Lockyer (c)
7. Johnathan Thurston
8. Steve Price
9. Cameron Smith
10. Matt Scott
11. Ashley Harrison
12. Sam Thaiday
13. Dallas Johnson

Interchange
14. Karmichael Hunt
15. David Shillington
16. Neville Costingan
17. Michael Crocker

GO QUEENSLAND!!!!!!

xo

from the bottom of my heart

so I'm not sure if u'll read this again
and i am also aware that i have already said this but i feel the need to repeat myself

I'm sorry
from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry

i know that i hurt you because you said as much
and i know that for you to have told me it must have hurt a lot
so i truly am sorry

your one of my best friends
you mean the world to me
chemistry and legal would suck without you
and i most probably would have been killed by someone for annoying them if you weren't there
and i most probably would i have killed myself if you weren't there to keep me company while everyone else payed attention

b
i love you and I'm sorry
i truly mean that from the bottom of my heart

xo

expectations and masks

superficial, fake, artificial
different from shallow, false or phony
although many would consider them the same

the first are an act, the emotions aren't real, they're simply a mask put in place to hide whats underneath
the second are wrong, they're real emotions and feelings used to hide who they truly are from those around them

the first is used to protect themselves, the second is used to change themselves

whats wrong with covering up what you feel, with showing no emotion, why shouldn't we each create a mask that we only let own around certain people



whats wrong with never letting that mask down


the problem is that although you may start with that plan it never works out for you, one day you will be forced to drop the facade and you must know then who you truly are.....


i have a mask and it works perfectly. people have stopped caring about how i feel each second of the day
they no longer seem to worry how events affect me
they seem to think that insults and sneers just bounce off my back....and that's what i want them to think

my mask is built from whats inside, from my true personality
i am sarcastic- but that doubles as a defence mechanism
i don't cry- but that just makes me seem tough
i do argue- but that just makes it seem like i don't care
all of these are who i am, i just build on them and make them seem more noticeable in order to create my mask

this mask that makes insults slide off, sneers disappear and problems go away
this mask that makes people assume that i feel nothing and that i don't care
this mask that makes even my best friend forget when I've almost started crying to her because obviously it doesn't really matter

this mask has helped me bypass conversations about feelings that i really don't want to endure

but what happens when you find someone you can drop this mask around
what happens when theres someone there who can see past the facade
there are many people that i partially drop this mask for, s and t particularly, but what if you find someone else
then comes the problem of letting down that mask because when that's who you've become to everyone else its hard to become someone different, even your true self, for someone else
this leaves you open to getting hurt
with my mask i can cover my feelings, I'm expected to cover my feelings if to feel anything at all
my mask gives me the strength to ignore the insults, to let the snide comments waste away
but even they hurt, even they affect me....its just no one notices
or i don't let anyone

without the mask id be open to anything
so is it worth it
well the question really is
is she worth it????
is it worth leaving myself open to be hurt to be myself with her?
is it worth risking myself for her?
is it worth dropping my mask, this facade for her?

funnily enough its not really a question
the simple answer yes
and even though it scares the shit out of me i know its worth it, that shes worth it

i love you k

now i just need to work out who i am without my mask.....

xo

my one wish

i feel sick and i wish you were here.....








.....but your not so i guess ill just have to try and sleep



i miss you
i love you
i wish you were here

good night.sweet dreams

xo

the good and the not so good

cowboys vs sharks

24-4



THE GOOD

cowboys
4 tries- bowen 2, j williams, t williams
3 conversions- thurston 3
1 penalty goal- thurston

24

sharks
1 try- wright

4




AND THE NOT SO GOOD

injuries

12th minute- aaron payne: rotator cuff injury
minutes later- luke o'donnell: 1-2 medial ligament tear in right knee
second half- john williams: badly corked thigh

all cowboys, all left the field, all brilliant players




yet the cowboys still won .........
amazing isn't it XD

ricky stuart (sharks coach) summed the game up pretty well...
"we had a chance until thurston took control....hes a class player....you have him in the team and you win by 40"

they didn't win by 40 but still with 3 players injured, a one man bench, pretty amazing performance don't you think?

and what did it come down to? great defence, queensland style determination, players like bowen and williams,
............and the class and brilliance of jonathan thurston

all in all i wish i had gotten to watch it :p

xo

you

90 days
12 weeks
3 months
a quarter of a year


your gorgeous and funny
you make me laugh, you make me groan and you make me want to hit you more times then can be imagined yet never can cause you look too adorable :p


i love you


happy anniversary babe

xoxo

interesting to say the least

so i had some friends over last night.....

it was great; almost a night you’d expect to see on movies. an incredibly cliché and girly sleepover
we played truth or dare, watched a chick flick and fell asleep in a massive pile...the only things we didn’t do was each others makeup, paint our toenails or have a pillow fight- although that was suggested :p

its kinda funny how comfortable you can be with some people. i mean some of the dares were quite....interesting to say the least, yet we all did them because with that group it was fun. it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, there was no one looking down their noses at us or backing out halfway

in that group we were comfortable to be ourselves and to act however we wanted. and we found out quite a lot XD

we saw s’s inability to ‘dance’
t’s ability to make a dress out of a towel
heard how much k had drunk in a week
and discovered my distaste for rum

its rather funny how much fun last night was....when i first asked mum if they could come over she asked why
my response “because i want to play truth or dare”
hers “why are you inviting that group, i can’t imagine some of them playing it”

but it shows how little she knows some people in my group...the first people she thought would play properly, besides k, were the last two people who would. they would be the first two people to look down their noses at us and would have the raised eyebrow facial expression we all know soo well on
yet mum doesn’t see that; she sees them as confident and eager to play....funny the difference a little insight makes

and i hope this doesn’t make it sound like i hate then or something. i don’t. i love them and i wouldn’t trade them for anyone....it’s just that, well i don’t think they would have enjoyed the game like this group did. The way we played it was fun, but i don’t think they would have liked it

the group that came was amazing....a hell of a lot of fun and we have the pictures to prove it. not that many of them will ever be seen by others XD

so to the group that came last night, thank you for playing, thank you for who you are and thank you for who i can be around you

thank you
s for your ‘interesting’ jelly beans
k for your ‘water’ bottle
t for the position you held blocking the door when necessary :p

we will have to do it again sometime when m and r can come too

xo

first post

so it would appear i have a blog....


quite obvious i know but i think thats my style
go for the obvious cause that way if people get annoyed its partly there fault cause they should have seen it coming

u'll be quite happy with this development
you might finally get to know what i truly think and feel
you along with the rest of the world
but if it makes you happy then i guess its worth it
worth putting myself on the line and for once in my life giving myself the opportunity to express what i feel

so thats what this is
a place to vent, a place to scream and yell (in word form obviously) a place for you, most of all, to know what goes on in my head

i cant promise i will blog often though i will try my hardest
i cant promise the spelling will be accurate as i dont often try
i cant promise it wont be sarcastic as thats my usual tone
and i cant promise i wont bitch about people but i mean no offence and its purely me venting

all i can promise is that its what i feel and what matters to me
hopefully thats good enough for everyone

for now thats all...

xo